The longest session I have done was a 3 hour long session that included about 10 minutes of walking meditation every 25 minutes or so.
I did this once a week for a few weeks, and the more I did it, the more I got used to it. The sitting was pretty difficult, but here are a few things I noticed:
- After doing this for a few weeks, the sitting still felt as difficult in the end as it did in the beginning, but, it was far more tolerable, which made the whole session easier.
- Many times I found myself waiting for the bell to ring that indicates to begin the walking meditation. This would usually replace even my string of wondering thoughts as It was so difficult for me to keep sitting, I was sort of waiting for the relief of the bell and anticipating it.
- Other than the above point, thoughts almost never stopped, but, that isn't the point of meditation. I'm noting this just to not give the impression that there was any attempt at stopping the thoughts from coming in this practice.
- Sitting back down after the walking meditation felt like a sort of reset, even though the walking was just about 10 minutes and the sitting before was so difficult. The sense of a reset really helped make it tolerable and less difficult.
- There were moments of "clarity" in which I felt as if my mind was in a dream state. There were still thoughts, but, they took on a slightly different form, I wasn't attached to them or focused on them, but I was just aware of them as they were playing in the background in my mind. This usually didn't last long, but it was an amazing feeling and experience when it happened.
- I felt a great sense of accomplishment after each session, no matter how the session went.
- There was a sense of calmness after each session, again, regardless of how the session went and if I was full of thoughts the whole time.
- Doing this type of practice in a meditation session with other practitioners made all the difference. I don't believe I would actually be disciplined enough to do this whole session on my own. The presence of others really played a huge role in keeping me going.
- It wouldn't be fair to not point out the physical pain I guess, so yes, there was pain in my back and in my legs, and they would tend to fall asleep. I would shift around and switch my legs around to wake them up and prevent them from falling asleep. Overall, it's not pain I would be worried about or that would prevent me from doing this again, it's more of an uncomfortable type pain, and it got easier as the weeks went on.
- The beginning of each session was easier on the mind than the end. In the beginning I felt more in "control", not in the sense of controlling my mind, but just being less on auto pilot and having less thoughts. The end of the sessions were far more chaotic for me, thoughts were out of control, I would also find myself following the thoughts story line a lot more, rather than bringing my awareness back to the breath. I would engage in the stories.
This was part of a month of constant meditation in which I meditated twice a day almost every day, and went to lectures, so it would be pretty hard to say what impact this specific part of the practice had on me for that time and after. I can say that those days were quite peaceful, less stressful, and just overall more mindful.
Overall I would say it was a great experience. It was without a doubt very difficult, but very rewarding also. I personally jumped right into it, starting with daily meditations twice a day, including this 3 hour session once a week, but this may not be the best approach to this, maybe some would benefit from starting with much shorter sessions, or just the hourly sessions once or twice a day.
There are a few things that characterize a flow of water:
1. There is no force, it is just flowing, naturally, without trying to and without forcing the water to flow.
2. There is no pulling or pushing, just as the water comes, it also goes. It's a flow.
3. In a river or creek, there are areas where the flow is rough and chaotic, and there are areas where it is calm and gentle, and yet, it is all part of the same flow.
I think this is a good analogy for life:
We should not try to force things, we should move along with the flow rather than against it. If thoughts and distractions arise, such as anger, hatred, or other negative emotions, or even just unwanted and uncontrollable thoughts, just as in the flow of water where there is no pulling or pushing, there should be no pulling or pushing of the thoughts. Just an allowing of them to fade away just as they came. At times life will be difficult, rough, and chaotic, but there will also be times where its calm, gentle, and relaxing. All of it is part of life and we must all go through this, because it is the flow of life, and going against it will only make things worse. Trying to force things, trying to push thoughts out, and trying to skip around the rough parts will just make life more difficult than it is.
Letting go of thoughts to me has always felt like a task to do while meditating, and that is not the point of the meditation or of letting go of thoughts.
Rather than it being a task and something you are actively doing, I think of it more as allowing the thoughts to pass. To not try to force them out, but to just let them be. In my mind, and it may just be me, but thinking "letting them go" always felt like its something I need to do, and that is adding another thought to your mind, the thought of needing to let the thoughts go. So instead, I see it as allowing them to go, letting them be what they are - passing thoughts.
I like the analogy of a flow of water in a river. Nothing is pulling and nothing is pushing. There is no force applied, and yet there is flow. This is how I try to see my thoughts while meditating, and in general in life. Just as they came with nothing pulling them in, that's how I should let them go, without anything pushing them out.
Recently though, it feels like I have been experiencing a setback. I am finding it harder and harder to actually sit and meditate. I know that even getting lost in your thoughts while meditating is still meditating and that is still part of the practice, but I have been consciously allowing myself to get lost in thoughts, I follow them and play them out. I am no longer actually sitting and allowing the thoughts to exist, I am actively participating in them and telling the story myself.
I think this has to do a lot with my mindset lately, as it has been not as good as it has been in the past while meditating. Getting lost in good thoughts is a sort of escape which is very hard to fight for me.
