I feel like I keep going back and forth, and I'm not sure I am seeing the progression or the growth. Some would say that even noticing this and realizing this is growth and progression, but I don't feel that, because I have felt this way for quite a while. If anything it proves my point.

I feel like some days I am full of motivation and desire to grow and improve and do things that I know are good for me and help me and that I just want to do, but then at some point I just lose it without even realizing it. What usually happens is I sort of "wake up", that I just "lost" myself again and didn't do the things I wanted to, lost the motivation and desire, wasn't mindful, didn't improve and grow.

It's as if I am constantly waking up. And nothing actually changes, I wake up to the same thoughts, same ideas, same situations.

The point of this is that it feels like I am stuck in a loop, and I have tried taking some what drastic measures to change this, to get out of the loop, but I guess that wasn't the answer either since I am still here. Still waking up, still "falling asleep".

Maybe there is improvement and growth that I just don't see or feel, but it's there. Maybe at some point I will wake up to it and instead of realize that I am saying and thinking the same things every time, that I need to change and improve and growth, maybe I will wake up and realize that I actually have grown, and I have changed, that I am better.